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For many of us, asking for help is a difficult concept.
It can require a certain amount of vulnerability. We may
feel as if we are admitting a weakness that the world would
not have known about, had we not asked for help.
Ironically, it's been my experience that people who are
able to deliver well-positioned requests for help are seen
as very strong individuals. When they demonstrate the humility
to ask for help, they earn the respect of others. Recipients
of a heartfelt request for help are usually honored by the
request. In turn, we are strengthened by the very help that
is provided.
One of my clients (we'll call her Kira), recently made a
shift in how she was interacting with her boss. When asked
to prepare presentations, she assumed that she was expected
to go away, develop the content, deliver it at the required
meeting and then wait for feedback from her boss. Her boss
was highly-regarded for the impact of his presentations,
while Kira often felt that her presentations were lacking.
When she took a hard look at how this approach was working
for her, Kira was able to recognize that she was not fully
leveraging her boss's support. She could learn far more
about creating presentations with "oomph" by walking-through
a draft with her boss-focusing on the content plus her delivery-and
obtaining feedback earlier in the process rather than at
the back-end. So…she made the request for his up front support.
The outcome? Her boss was delighted to coach Kira and was
enthused about the opportunity to leverage his own strength
by imparting presentation skills more effectively to her.
By taking the time to work together on preparation for a
number of Kira's key presentations, she benefited from her
boss' thought process and was able to distinguish the critical
components to enhance her own presentations. Kira's presentations
now have punch! She delivers with the confidence of someone
who has great material and is well-prepared. She now rarely
needs corrective feedback after-the-fact. Equally important
is that in the very act of asking for help, Kira has demonstrated
to her boss that she is effectively leveraging resources
around her.
Coach’s
Question #1:
How are your assumptions about the appropriateness of
asking for help getting in your way?
Many
of you reading this article are involved in a search for
a new position. You may be between jobs and feeling quite
vulnerable. I particularly challenge you to look hard at
whether you are fully leveraging "asking for help" in your
job search. Most people recognize the value of networking
when they are seeking a job change. And sometimes the concern
for not appearing "too needy" gets in the way of effectively
asking for others' support.
Some
of us are uncomfortable asking for help because we believe
that our request places burden on the other person. Ironically,
we may be missing an opportunity to show others' how we
value and respect them. People who know you and think well
of you, are often highly motivated to help and with the
reality of their busy work lives, they need to be asked.
Furthermore, the more specific you can be about what you
need from them, the easier it is for them to assist you.
Coach’s
Question #2:
In the past week, how have you asked for support from
others? How clear was your request?
In recent research I conducted into the behaviours that
leaders demonstrate when they successfully transition into
new organizations, "asking for help" made it onto the list
of "Top 10 Success Factors" for the critical first 90 days
with a new employer.
In this era of hyper-awareness regarding business ethics,
"asking for help" has become associated with high-integrity.
People who are able to conduct an honest self-assessment
and seek support in the areas where they lack expertise
or need to draw on skills that don't come naturally to them
are seen as both humble and strong at the same time.
As an sole practitioner entrepreneur for the past 10 years,
I have long prided myself on independence and self-sufficiency.
I now recognize that relying purely on my own perspective
and expertise can be quite limiting. In stepping up to ask
for help more often, coupled with my commitment to work
collaboratively, my circle expands exponentially through
each connection created. The impact on my business has been
nothing short of transformational.
So how can you go about asking for help?
When I broke-down the formula that works for me, I came
up with the following steps:
- Recognize that you can't know or be able to do absolutely
everything, all the time.
- Trust that in asking for help, you are honouring the
other person.
- Decide to "'just do it". The more you agonize, the less
likely you are to make the request.
- Be specific. Make it easy for the other person to provide
the help.
- Express your gratitude. Let the other person know specifically
how their support helped you.
- Offer
your sincere support in the future… not to "even the score",
do it because it genuinely means a lot to you to be able
to help.
Coach’s
Question #3:
What do you need to include in your "asking for help"
success formula?
OVER TO YOU for a self-reflection exercise ...…
What important goal are you stuck on right now? How could
"asking for help" get you jump-started?
I'm
interested in hearing your stories about the impact of "asking
for help" for you. Send me an email with your feedback or
questions to info@development-by-design.com
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