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(excerpted
from the book chapter You've Gotta' Flip It On Its Head!
Four Key Strategies for Leadership Success in
Awakening
the Workplace 2)
In my coaching with leaders, I find they
frequently discover that their long-held beliefs about what
makes leaders successful flies directly in the face of what
happens in real life. They demonstrate leadership characteristics
based on commonly-held beliefs, such as:
- Belief #1- All leaders must communicate
verbally with power and charisma.
- Belief #2- Leaders must convey a steely
strength.
- Belief #3- Leaders must compromise themselves
for the good of the organization.
- Belief #4- Previously-gained skills are
the foundation for success at the next level.
Down the road, they get the startling wake-up
call that these purposeful behaviours have not resulted
in the successes they had hoped after all. Frankly, they
would do better to flip these beliefs on their head!
True leadership success and your
greatest impact comes from the flip side of behaviours
that you may have been socialized to exhibit as a
strong leader. Your real power lies in awakening to
the leader already inside you rather than layering
on externally-driven leadership qualities like a corporate
cloak.
I invite you to consider how four leadership
success strategies may apply to you. You've Gotta'…
1. Be Vulnerable to be Strong
2. Listen to Be Heard
3. Be Selfish to Serve
4. Let Go of What Got You Here
In this article, we consider what it means
to demonstrate strength through vulnerability.
Success Strategy #1- You've Gotta' Be Vulnerable to be
Strong
"Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water
will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield.
As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will
overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another
paradox: what is soft is strong."
- Lao-Tzu (600 B.C.)
Think of times when you've felt vulnerable
at work. Asking for help may have left you feeling vulnerable
with the person you asked. Or, you may have experienced
regret after admitting a weakness or disclosing a need for
personal development to others. This is very natural in
a society that teaches that vulnerability represents weakness.
In fact, definitions of vulnerability refer to susceptibility
to physical or emotional injury, criticism or attack.
Yet, time and again, I've seen employees walk over hot coals
for leaders who express vulnerability versus those who convey
omnipotence. It is difficult to hook in at an emotional
level with a leader who wears an armor of perfection. Much
of my coaching work with both male and female executives
involves supporting them in removing the Teflon® layer
of self-protection that gets in the way of their ability
to lead from a place of true power. They are inevitably
seen to be stronger leaders as they mature into the willingness
to demonstrate vulnerability.
Leaders who are able to deliver effectively stated requests
for help are seen as resourceful and strong individuals.
When they demonstrate the humility to ask for help, they
earn the respect of others. In turn, the leader who asks
for help is strengthened by the very support that is provided.
Kira recently made a shift in how she was interacting
with her boss. When he asked to prepare presentations,
she assumed that she was expected to go away, develop
the content, deliver it at the required meeting and
then wait for feedback from her boss. Her boss was highly-regarded
for the impact of his presentations and his openness
in asking others for assistance. Kira, on the other
hand, was well aware that presentations were not her
strong suit. When she took a hard look at how this approach
was working for her, Kira was able to see that she was
not fully leveraging her boss's support. She could learn
far more about creating presentations that have "oomph"
by walking-through a draft with her boss-focusing on
the content plus her delivery-and obtaining feedback
earlier in the process.. So…she made the request for
his upfront support.
The outcome? Her boss was delighted
to coach Kira and was enthused about the opportunity
to leverage his own strength and impart skills to her.
By taking the time to work together preparing for a
number of Kira's key presentations, she benefited from
her boss' thought process. Kira's presentations now
have punch! She delivers with the confidence of someone
who has great material and is well-prepared. She now
rarely needs corrective feedback after-the-fact. Equally
important is that in the very act of asking for help,
Kira has demonstrated to her boss that she is effectively
leveraging resources around her.
Leaders also demonstrate strength in vulnerability
through their response to receiving tough feedback. Many
leaders have experienced 360 degree feedback assessments
(surveys that provide feedback from the boss, peers and
direct reports). In observing the reactions to feedback
for more than 100 leaders, it is clear to me that those
who benefit most from a 360 process are those that disclose
the results and build collaborative development plans in
response. Recently, one of my coaching clients was told
by her peers that it was extremely brave of her to reveal
the themes in her feedback. They admired this disclosure
and even asked how they could support her. Of course, the
more support she receives, the stronger she becomes.
The reinforcing cycle of strength through
vulnerability continues to spiral upwards.
Coaching Questions:
- How are your assumptions about vulnerability
preventing you from building strong connection with others?
- If you had no concerns about being personally
criticized, what might you disclose more openly?
Exercise:
Consider an important goal that you are stuck on right now
and can't seem to gain any traction.
- Think of someone you could ask for support
to get you jump-started with respect to this goal. What
specifically do you want to ask of them?
- How can you establish accountability
to yourself to ask for help in achieving this goal?
Sue Edwards is a Leadership and Business coach who specializes
in working with leaders in transition to new roles and new
organizations. To download a free copy of Sue’s report:
“Top Ten Success Factors (and Seven Deadly Sins) for Leaders
Transitioning into Organizations”, click here
http://www.clearingthe90dayhurdle.com/top10-report.shtml
* all names and identifying details have been changed to
protect client confidentiality
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